3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
