i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
