I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So here I am, sexting at work.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
