Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
