I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
