i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
