We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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