I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
