I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
