i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize