we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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