So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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