the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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