Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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