sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
