I love having hate sex.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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