Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize