I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
