i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
