its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
