this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
