So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
