dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
