my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
