so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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