I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
