Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
