Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
