So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize