Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize