i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
