I'm so fucking centered right now
barbara walters just said penis...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
