i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
