she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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