Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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