He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
