dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
