there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
