Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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