I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
