I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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