Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
