Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
