@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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