im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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