Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
