Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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