Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
