Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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