Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
