He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize