jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
