yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
