I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
zippers are such a cool invention
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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