Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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