yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
