fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
