you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
