I need help removing her.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
