i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
