Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My vagina is very pro this idea
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
