grandma shit on top of the toilet
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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