"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
