he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What drink are we having for lunch?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize