yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
