i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize