PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
