I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
