life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
