Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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