My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
