i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I believe in your delicious
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