There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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