: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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