nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
