so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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