So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
