is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize