you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize