At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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