Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
