Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
