Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
