so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
