Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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