Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
