OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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