I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
