Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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