we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
