So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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