My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
