The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
