'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
