A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
